Things I wish I'd written...

Yup. So, I've been thinking about books and stories and songs and movies that I wish I'd written. Most of them, really, it's not my fault that I didn't write them. I'm too young, basically (Alice in Wonderland is one of these). Others, I thought up, imagined, drew and designed, but forgot to write and submit, therefore missing out on becoming richer than the Queen of England (Harry Potter is the biggest in this case).

So here, my dear reader, are things I wish I'd written, and why:

American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Okay, I pretty much wish I'd written anything that this man has produced. This one in particular, though, because it's one of the most wonderful, dark, creepy and hopeful stories I've ever read. Plus, it deals with what happened to the gods our grandparents and great-grandparents brought over from the old world. I can't help myself, I love these old gods and wish we were more into multi-theism ourselves. It would be neat to pray to the gods of media (Which technically speaking most people do every day anyway) or offer sacrifices (Of fruit, not small children - All that crying makes my head hurt) to the god of imagination. In short, I think I'd like many small shrines around my bedroom and backyard, just to make me feel more grounded.

Harry Potter, in particular The Prisoner of Azkaban. Jokes about wanting to be richer than the Queen of England aside (And, I mean, who doesn't?) I just wish I could've written something that almost everyone on the planet has read. Cosmo actually went out and bought the whole series and he didn't used to be much of a reader. I've seen hundreds of adults on the subway reading these kid books without any shame. The movies are great and star three of the most beautiful children in history. What's not to love?

The Other Boleyn Girl by Phillipa Gregory. Now, the rest of her books are decent and mostly interesting, but a little too creepy by half. (Too much incest in the British Isles? Bull hockey!) but this is one of my favourite books of all time. It's historical fiction, which here translated means "thinking person's trashy romance with a bit of history thrown in so no one knows what you're really reading." It's about Mary Boleyn, Anne's sister who definately slept with King Henry first, and probably had two children by him while he was still married to Katherine of Aragon. And also about what a bitch Anne Boleyn could be and what a monster Henry VIII really was. Good stuff, good stuff...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The whole series, single-handedly reads like something that me, Cosmo and our friends wrote over brunch. Too bad it came out before we knew eachother. It's just one of those things. A new goal in my life is to write for Joss Whedon's new show, if he ever decides to create one. Since I can't even get myself a programming job in radio or television when I'm fully qualified, I don't know that this could happen. But we'll see. No use in not dreaming while I'm alive.

Garden State and Saved! Two of the greatest movies I saw last year. Both deal with confusion and the ridiculousness of the rules set down in particular brackets of society. Garden State probably does it for me because of the absolute lack of familiarity Andrew feels with his world. "You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone." Luckily, for me, I only have that problem occasionally. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen, I'm just grateful that I don't walk around with that feeling all the time. But it's something that it's really easy for me to relate to.

Saved! deals more with religious uncertainty, another thing I've experienced really strongly in my life. What happens when you're brought up with one set of ideals and enter the real world to find that maybe they're just a little skewered? I mean, I went to Catholic school for 10 years. I was taught that God and Jesus love anyone and everyone, especially if they need love, or ask for forgiveness. Unless you're gay or have an abortion, and in some cases if you marry someone of a different race, religion or caste than you. I was taught that suicide is the only unforgiveable sin and that all life is precious, unless it's the doctor who performs abortions for women who are too sick or scared or know they're too selfish to raise a child. And so I entered the real world and met people who were so in love it didn't matter if the other person was of the same sex or a different belief system, and they were so beautiful together you could cry to watch them together. I've met people who were wonderful and strong and for whatever reason had had to end pregnancies or marriages. I get that I don't get it, and that God or whoever will forgive in the name of love. Or not, and it's not my business, and what kind of heaven is that, anyway?

Currently, what am I working on? I have an imaginary book titled "Jesus Was Circumcised" floating around my dusty brain. It would deal with the fact that Jesus was Jewish, and possibly the fact that he was more than a bit of a hippie, and generally tear into Rightests who complain about the Jews and the Liberals who accept people who were different. I mean, that's what Jesus did, isn't it? Accept people who were different and make them feel like they belonged? Meh, maybe my catechism's all messed up. Also planned: A chapter on how Hitler was Jewish on his mother's side, which considering Judaism is passed on maternally means he was also a Jew. But that might be getting into waters too inflamatory for my blood. I'm putting it here for posterity, though, 'cause I may never get around to it, but it's a great idea and someone should write it. Whilst giving me a good chunk of the royalties, of course.

And thus ends a new chapter in "Things I Wish I'd Written," by Wanda. Sweet dreams, kiddies...