Family, or what have you done for me lately...?

Wow. They said it, whoever "they" are. You can't choose your family, but blowing them away and ending up a whodunit on Court TV is really embarrassing to all involved, so don't do it.

You know, there are people in this world you have to love, because they're related to you, and blood is supposed to be thicker than water. There are people you take around with you in your day to day life because of chromosomes or last names. These are the people who make it easy to understand how you can love someone, but not like them.

My grandmother, maternal, is one of these people.

She's erratic and judgmental and probably one of the scariest people you'll ever meet, if you ever get to meet her real side. Otherwise, she's just another in a long line of sweet old ladies who want things their way.

Either way, it's hard to take.

It's hard to take when you're 8 and your 6 year old brother has a cough, and instead of driving to the nearby pharmacy, she leans across you in the front seat of her car and grabs your brother's neck to stop him from coughing. How insanely Telltale Heart is that? ("The sound of that infernal cough!!")

It's hard to take when you're 12 and she says to you "You know, you don't read enough for a child of your age." Especially when you reply, "Well, Nana, you know, I read a book or two a week." To which she replies, without batting an eyelash, "You read entirely too much."

It's hard to take when you're 14 and your sweet, loving cat has just been intentionally hit by a car, and she says "Well, it's all your fault for letting him out in the first place." Especially when you know that her 8 cats are currently running themselves ragged around her neighbourhood.

It's hard to take when you're 17 and your 15 year old brother is in hospital for anorexia and she tells you "He does take his cues from you. It's your fault he's in hospital in the first place. And while we're on the subject, you really could stand to lose a couple pounds."

It's hard to take when your brother has troubles with drugs, and she insists to your mother "If she hadn't taken him down to Queen St. none of this would have happened."

It's hard to take when your brother has missed three methadone servings in a week because of the Christmas rush and has to go to the hospital and she sits in the front seat of the car and says "Addicts have ruined my life. If he only knew what he was doing to his family (Meaning her) he wouldn't be doing this now." How do you explain to a 74 year old woman that 1. She wasn't there when he was a junkie, his family (Me, my mother and father) were and 2. He's clearly trying to deal with it in a more socially respectable way and 3. He didn't hit the streets looking for something illicit, he went to the hospital to get what he needed?

It's hard to take when your mother confronts the old bat for bad mouthing her son in front of his sister and father, and the first things out of the woman's mouth are "And how did she blow it all out of proportion this time!?" Especially when it was the father who reported it and you merely confirmed the report.

It's hard to take when your mother informs her that you feel left out and would like a better relationship with her and her only response is a defensive "Well, she's just jealous of [13 year old super awesome girl cousin]." Which I'm not. Well, not for what she has or what she's given, but for the acceptance and affection given to her by my grandmother. Is that jealousy?

It's hard to take when you invite her over to your house again and again, once for Christmas (At which point she says "Well, you know, at Christmas your cousins are more important." As opposed to all the other times I'm more important? But never mind that) and then she has the gall to pout about not being over to the house yet, in front of your family and your husband's family.

I hate being made to look like an asshole by this woman who has knocked back every single attempt I've made at forging familial bonds. I hate being made to feel like I'm the idiot child of the idiot child she's only now beginning to appreciate. I don't have 53 years of waiting for my grandmother to approve of me, nor do I want her approval. I would, however, give considerable donations to a church, hospital, individual, for an ounce of like from this woman.

And there, my friends, is the crux of the problem, I suppose...