Come back to me...

Well, I finally got to speak with Rachel. It's been a pretty long week. I mean, on the one hand, I have my best friend, one of the very best I've ever had, who was hurting enough to do something so drastic as to move out of her home with no warning. On the other hand, I have Simon, who I met through Rach, but who I've come to adore and be just generally fond of.

I'm lucky that they're two of the greatest people ever and that there isn't likely to be such a chance that either will expect me to take sides. Which is good. I refuse to judge either of them, it's just not in me to do. I understand that a person's first reflex can be to bang their head against the wall until it really hurts. Sometimes, if someone's lucky, once it starts hurting, the fight or flight concept kicks in and that person will do what's right for them no matter who they knock over on the way out. I also understand that being knocked over can hurt like hell. Another thing I've learned is that these things can appear to relate but can really be independant of eachother.

Sadly, sometimes selfishness is the key to survival for both parties. I'm not saying what happened was selfish, it was really selfishness crossed with a good deal of selflessness, something that will turn out better for all in the long run, but there's no better single word in my language and it's the closest I can come to what I mean without this turning into a large diatribe about growing up.

Clearly, gone are the Trivial Pursuit nights and fondue parties, but other things will take their place. It's just that the thought of the other things not including one or the other really sucks.

I know that I'm just a third party at best, and I feel really selfish having any feelings about the whole situation that aren't pure and clean sympathy. I mean, obviously that was my first reaction: "Poor Rach, poor Si." Once I got over the general shock, though, I began thinking about how this would effect me. I guess it's normal, but we're talking about two of the most generous people ever, so I feel bad about feeling bad for myself.

Altruism is an art form I haven't fully learned yet.