Every once in a while I really start to despair for humanity as a whole. And this isn't my "I'm annoyed that someone pushed me for a seat on the subway" kind of despairing for humanity. This is true, honest-to-god despair. It's a nightmare.

I'm the first to admit that I'm soft. I'm a Westerner raised on bad music, worse movies and even worse television. I'm lucky to be alive, to have clothes, food, an education. Hell, I'm lucky I have toilet paper. I know it.

I also know that if I were trapped in the wilderness without so much as a lighter, I'd be a goner. If my arm gets trapped under a rock, I will not amputate myself and walk eight miles to civilization. I will lie there and complacently die under said rock like an insect. I get that.

I'm also going to go out on a limb, here, and suggest that I have no fucking clue what your lives are like. I don't know your hardships, your heartaches, or even what makes your wee heart go pitter patter.

I'm also going to say that it doesn't matter. All around the world, children are children. And I'm speaking as one who doesn't (at this point in life) want any. That doesn't matter. I still think they're precious. I also think that there are enough things in this world against children growing up healthy and happy and whole. Or growing up at all, for that matter.

And after your actions, I don't care. I don't care who you are, what you think, or what you're fighting for. Where I might once have listened, I've decided on deafness. You have lost any clout you may have had with me, any sympathy I may have spared you, any voice I may have raised in your defence. And I have the distinct feeling I'm not the only one.

These are children. You storm a school full of children, wielding guns, wearing "suicide belts" and carrying food for your own consumption (I haven't heard confirmation that you had food and water for yourselves, but I know in my heart that the bullies who could do this wouldn't go in without provisions). You deny food, water and access to washrooms - to children. You start shooting. How? No, seriously, how do you torture and murder children? Which one of you sick bastards decided this was a good idea?

Maybe you don't have children, but some of you have brothers. Sisters. Nieces, nephews and cousins. You have brothers and sisters and friends who have children. I know you. You don't live alone. If you did, there wouldn't have been thirty of you to commit this crime, all acting on behalf of who knows what god; there wouldn't be hundreds and thousands of you who are willing blow up not only yourselves, but also innocents on buses and in the middle of the road and in theatres.

I also don't believe in your god, a god who can condone this kind of action. I'm not talking about Alah, God, Yaweh or Buddha, and I'm not talking about Muslims, Christians, Jews or Buddhists - Or any other religion, god or goddess. I'm talking about you and your sick, perverted version of a god, one that you think would allow you to get into Paradise, no matter what you call it. And shame on you for thinking it!

You delight in bullying, that much is clear. And you're shameless and cowardly. If you weren't, it wouldn't have been children, there would have been food and toilets and you wouldn't have worn suicide bombs. You wouldn't have decided that other people - children - had to die for your cause, and you sure as hell wouldn't have run as soon as the white hats came charging through the doors. Better yet, it simply wouldn't have happened. You are no better than the ones you fight against, and you're so much less than the people you hurt. There is no god that I know of who would love you now.

As for the victims, the families and the survivors: I'm sorry. I feel great pain for you, and know it is only a weak reflection of the pain you feel. I feel sadness and know that I don't understand the sadness you feel. I know that no matter how much I pray for you, it might be too late, and it's probably not enough. But I do. And many others do, too.

I'm going to post this. I'm going to take a breather. I'm going to get back to my life. Because that's what we do, as human beings. And every once in a while, I'll think of you, the victims, not the monsters, and I'll send you love.